| Requiem for a Soul Mate |
[Jan. 5th, 2006|05:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
Requiem for a Soul Mate
A poem by Nicholas J. M.
dedicated to a ceratin ex.
The cold wind shivers over the land,
Barren is the ground,
Lifeless,
Unforgiving,
My heart was the same,
Last night,
As i saw you and I burn in flames
Flames as hot as our love once was,
Hotter than a million suns
Now snuffed out
Like a weak little candle
Blown out by you
Pushing me away
Then pulling me back at will
As a magnet does
Back and forth
Well, now?
Too far you have gone
And I cease to stand for it
Call me weak for not staying and fighting for us
I call me strong for being able to finally leave
For it takes a will of steel to leave your "soul mate"
Though you never treated me as such
This is not to blame
But to tell
To scribe what has happened
And what will happen
What is the future?
Nothing,
As is the void we call space
Black and lifeless
That is what you and I are to each other
You will never see me reach my goals
My uniform of blue, with gold gracing my shoulders
Standing tall, part of the elite
Or on the diamond, flashing leather
And cracking wood
On stage
Under the lights
Singing my heart out
You will never be there
To hug me
To support me
To be proud of me
And I, finally
Have no problem with that
And so ends
Us. |
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| A change is in the air...old and new |
[Dec. 12th, 2005|02:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | FiFi - We Went For a Ride | ] |
i dont really know what to say. a lot of stuff has happened since, well, thursday. today is monday. so, that is five days. thursday-monday. yeah, that's five days.
Thursday, an old question came back with a vengence. A Marine talked to me, obviously trying to recruit me. So, not to offend him, i took his card and agreed to meet him to talk things over. i didnt mean anything by it at the time, but now? i dont know. i have always had an intrest in the armed services, but now, it's stronger than ever. im at a shit job, living from paycheck to paycheck. maybe this is my way out. maybe this is my way to succeed. they would provide me food, clothing, housing, and a challenging life. wat do i do here? i go to work, help the same people, do the same thing everyday. for what? for 8 bucks an hour, barely enough to pay rent and electric, and hope that i can make it until next friday without food? what kind of life is that? and dont give me that crap about baseball. one, i can always try out. two, the likelyhood of me making it is slim to none. i have no time to practice, no money for equipment. right now, i dont see anyother option. so, for the past few days, ive been thinking and i have to admit, i'm 90% percent sure that Nicholas Mauro will change to Marine Private Nicholas Mauro.
On Friday, i was at work when my mom (in MD) called and told me that her gma died. Now, i dont believe i ever met the woman but this news sank me into deep depression for a few reasons. One, i worried about my mom like all hell. I dont know how close they were, but when your grandmother dies...i dont even need to finish that sentence. mom has a crazy week with work meetings in Philly and having to go to Detroit for the funeral. I feel so bad for her. The second reason that i am depressed is because of my grandparents. I love them so much and everytime someone dies, i always think that they are not much younger. It just scares me that any day, i could get a call from mom in nj saying that my grandpa.....anyway, thats the second thing that happened.
third, Erin came down on Saturday and stayed until Sunday. nothing happened, obviously. We wouldnt allow it even if we wanted to. we just talked about life and what's going on, you know, that kind of thing. the thing that really happened is that Jillian and i fought over it. i'm not going to go into it, because it would be wrong if i talked about her here. so i'll let it go at that.
so now, i'm here at the library, researching the Marine Corps, waiting until i have to go to my dad's to watch the boys. hope all is well with everyone else. peace. |
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| The trail takes you where you should go...make your own |
[Dec. 5th, 2005|06:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  optimistic | ] |
So, everything seems to be good at the moment. i could do the usual "list" thing... i dont know
work is a bitch because of the holidays. it's not hard or anything. right now, it's a lot of guest service, and trying to make people happy. it's...fun...i guess. when you make someone happy, it puts a kind of kick in your day and makes you feel better. then, of course, you have the asshole guest, who you could never please, not even if you sacrificed your first kid under a full moon to Zeus while wearing a roman toga (yes, i do realize that Zeus was not a Roman god, so the use of a "roman" toga was wrong...thats the point) for them wouldnt make them happy. all they want is their damn i-pod nano which they have been waiting for since the creation of the cosmos, and nothing you can say or do will make them happy. those are the fun ones. those are the ones i tell to get the hell outta my store.
the relationship thing is going quite well. i went up to NJ and saw my baby...YAY! i gave her her xmas present, which she went totally speechless over...i mean...literally speechless. it was quite nice. heeheehee. then we spent all morning together. she eventually had to go to school, then work so i hung with erin, who is coming down this weekend, btw. it was...um...fun i guess. i dont want to get into now...lets just say that the city of new brunswick, and rutgers should be swallowed up by a giant sink hole.
on every other front, things are looking well. i cant wait for the holidays to be over because of work. wehn things slow down, i'll be able to think again...or for the first time lol (lil self insult. those are fun). so... i hope everyone is well. call me if you want to chill, or leave me a comment. love you all and happy holidays.
i love you jillian |
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| I'll deck the halls...right in the fuckin' mouth |
[Nov. 29th, 2005|11:28 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
Oh god...let me tell you
now, if you know me, you know that i am a jew, in name only. i dont really have a religion, nor do i go to any big, organized religion functions. so, when it comes to holidays, i let people do what ever it is that they do. but, when you work in retail, as so many people do...you just can't help but...
hate
fuckin'
christmas.
people standing in line for hours, just to get up to you and say "do you have ____" and when you don't have it, they blow up at you, curse you off, make a little voo doo doll of you and tell you that when they get home, they have a few choice places to stick the needles...only to come back the next day and ask the SAME question. this goes on from the day after thanksgiving (known as black friday) until x-mas eve. and me? where do i come into this? well, we all know that i work at target. but, now that i got promoted, what area do i work in? oh god yes, ELECTRONICS!! YAY!! isnt that just GREAT?! mwahahahahaha! come to me and ask me if we have the new x-box. i dare you! or if we have the new star wars game. wait until i check in the stock room just to make you happy, because you don't believe that i checked about TEN times in the last hour, and we STILL have not gotten it in! let me give you a real life happening that occured three days ago...
woman: excuse me, do you have the Nintendo DS bundle pack that was in the two day sale ad?
me: i'm sorry mam, but we don't.
w: what do you mean "no"?
me: we sold out of it yesterday, on black friday.
w: i don't understand, it's in the two day sale.
me: yes mam, but yesterday was the first day of the sale, and we sold out in the first hour, and we did not get a shipment in last night.
w: how are you helping guests?!
me: Mam, i'm sorry but if we don't have it on the floor or in the stock room, there is literally nothing that i can do.
w: oh yeah? who is the manager of this area (electronics) tonight?
me: you're talking to him.
w: really...ok...who is the general manger of the store?
me: Joe B. but he will tell you the same thing that i have told you. there is nothing we can do.
and then, oh god, and then she says "it's ok, i own my own store, i know what you're going through" OMFG LIKE HELL YOU DO!!! IF YOU KNEW WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE YELLED, CURSED, BELLOWED, ANNOYED, AND THREW THING AT ME FOR THE LAST TWENTY MINUETS!!
end scene...then repeat until DEC 25.
ok, so enough about that...
so, in other news, I MISS MY JILLIAN!!
oh, i hurt my back the other day at work. yeah, i was lifting TVs and had to go to Patient First. they gave me drugs and said i have "light duty" for a week. then, when i got to work the next day, they tried to ignore my "light duty" and i told them no, i have a bad back, deal with it, but in nicer terms.
um...what else...
oh! i hope everyone had a great thanksgiving. i did. i went to my dad's and had a great dinner. great food, great people...it was...GREAT.
nothing much else.
i miss JILLIAN and LOVE HER SO MUCH!!! i can't wait to see you! |
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| When streaks break, it's legendary... |
[Nov. 7th, 2005|05:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
::news type music::
And now, your evening news, with Mark Tyson, June Apple, Joe with weather, and Tony Capeezi with sports. Ladies and gentlemen, your Nick News Team.
::music fades::
Mark: good evening. i'm Mark Tyson and this is June Apple with your NNT news. In today's top stories, a streak has been broken. In a surprising turn of events, Nick started dating Jillian as of Friday, november 4th. The streak, lasting one year, one month, and 18 days is the longest in Nick's life since he started dating at 13 or so. Nick is very excited about the relationship and is optomistic that it will work even though it is long distance. let's all hope everything works out for him. June?
June: thanks, Mark, for taking up loads of air time that we all know should be mine. In other news, Nick and his best friend Alex saw each other breifly on Friday. it was a happy visit for both parties though they wish it could have been longer. Other important people that were seen include Nick's mother, grandparents, uncle, his friend Joe, Ms. AM, Ms Gross, and Mr Switek. All of these people are greatly missed by nick, especially his family and he hopes to see them again soon. Back to you Mark.
M: Thank you, June. WHo did you have to sleep with to get that story? Now we go to Tony Capeezi for sports. Tony?
Tony: Look, i'll put a stop to this crap between you two right now. June, we all know you slept with the director to get thei anchor job. that's fine. but mark, what everybody doesn't know is that you slept with him too. now on to sports! The results aren't in yet but Nick's mom in MD ran the NY marathon yesterday. All we know for certain is that Nick is incredibly proud of his mom and hopes she did her best. We hope for the results of the race by the end of the week. Now back to you, you anchor sluts.\
June: Thank you, Mr. I-sleep-with-whores-in-hotels. Now we go to Joe the weatherman for tomorrow's forcast. Joe, what's going to happen tomorrow?
Joe: IT GONNA RAIN!
June: Thank you Joe.
Mark: Alright. that's all the time we have for tonight. we'll be back here tomorrow with more breaking news. Good night, god speed, and GET OUT! |
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| GET OUT!!!!!! |
[Nov. 4th, 2005|10:16 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pippin...all of it | ] |
ok let me tell you...
fun as hell week. don't have too much time to update so i'll hit the main points.
sooper cool roomate moved in
almost dating this amazing hot sexy awesome (get the point?) girl
random drive/walk around Gettysbutg PA from 2-8am
promotion at Target
random drive to NJ (where i am now)
getting along well with TJ
watched The Birds..sucked like woah
watched The Wolf...awesome
got kitty cat
sang in front of ppl and it was awesome
drove colleen to and from work in essex...driving...fun
told alex that "bro's before ho's"
sorry, took a quick break to watch Pippin...OMG let me tell you...
any way...that's about it. i have to go have sex with jill lol.... ttyl peace |
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| i dont know man... |
[Oct. 26th, 2005|04:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
A lot of stuff has happened since i lsat posted and it has all put me in a very pissed off mood. but i'm just letting it roll off my shoulder and not going to let it bother me...well, i say that i'm not going to let it bother me but it probably will. i have a feeling that a group of people who say that they are my friends, really aren't. i've had these feelings for a while and no one has really done much to dispell them. if they aren't my friends, or don't want to be, then they should really just come out and say it. if they don't want me around, they need to step up and say, hey, nick, we don't want you here. i just want the truth. i think i deserve it. broken promises, sneaking behind backs, drama, i just want all of that to be done with and someone to tell me what the hell is going on! am i or am i not part of the group? am i some kind of tag along or a valued person? how am i viewed? what are people thinking about me? why the deception, if it's even there at all? someone, please, step forward. say something. anything. let me know the truth! i would rather that then all the guesswork that i'm doing now.
of course, this could all be some kind of paranoid sneario that i'm working up in my head. that's what i want to know. is this a reality (the feelings) or am i just being paranoid? i don't know, and it kills me not to know. it hurts and drives deep and stops the breath in my throat. well, i'll wait for an answer...one that i hope comes soon. |
|
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| i seem to be where i was before |
[Oct. 21st, 2005|02:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
well, this saturday, i hopeto be in essex, where the tdt group will be getting together. if it works out with work, i hope to see all of my friends and hang out with them outside of the theater, which i have not done for a long time.
the other day...or yesterday...i spent the entire day at TDT. at 9am, i went there to wait for the senior show, and made decent money. then i hung around until Legends auditions that night...and they didnt go as well as i had hoped. i guess we'll see what happens. other than that...nuthing...too much...or is there? hm...well...there is more, but it has to do with a girl...and with my current record with women....oh well. we'll see as i always say.
i'll this hit back later. |
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| returning...? |
[Oct. 20th, 2005|08:01 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  energetic | ] |
lots o' stuff happenin right now...could be interesting...more later |
|
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| i didn't get the memo... |
[Oct. 12th, 2005|06:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
I didn't get the memo. i didn't. apparently, the rules have changed. if u and someone else have sexual relations, u r dating. at least, that's wat ive been told. i'll leave it at that for now.
in other news...i'm an official target team trainer now. when new people get hired, i get to train them. awesome!
i also had my first team lead interview yesterday! FINALLY! i hope the next one isn't a year from now. i don't know. i guess we'll see what happens. now too much else.
i hope everyone is alright. i hope all is well. |
|
|
| i dreamed a dream |
[Oct. 3rd, 2005|02:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
so i had this dream the night before last. hm...i won't go into detail about it but it's the first time a dreamed about a girl in a long time. it probably means nothing and i shouldn't act on it...but...that wouldn't be me, now would it? i mean, hell, if i don't act on this, then i know that it will go nowhere but if i do act on this, i know it has the potential chance to go somewhere, so we'll see wat happens i guess.
other than that, nothing else has been going on. played tennis more than usual last week. once on wednesday, then on friday. let me tell you, the match i had on wednesday was fierce. brandon and i went to a third set tiebreak. i beat him in the tie break, but let me tell you, it was nuts. we played for a total of 2 1/2 hours. ugh was i sore the next day.
that really has been all that's been going on. work has been work. sleep has been sleep. that's about it. haven't heard from anybody in TDT for a while. i hope they are all well. haven't heard from a few ppl in NJ either. i hope that they are well too. well, that's all for now. i'll hit this up later.
follow your dreams. even if they lead you to a dead end, the trip was worth it. |
|
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| been a while... |
[Sep. 22nd, 2005|10:23 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
well, the party came and went. was it ever a bust...but w/e. it's done. no big deal. not much has really been going on. CJ came down and spent the weekend for my bday. that was awesome. i still have the staten island accent from him. besides that...work...work...work...thats it. later. |
|
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| a new chapter |
[Sep. 7th, 2005|06:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
i have moved in...it's done. if u want my address, let me know :) |
|
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| hahaha! I DID IT! |
[Aug. 31st, 2005|06:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
So, today, i wake up and go downstairs to call TJ to see if we could go to the bank to deposit so that we have enough for our security deposit for the apartment. He says that he has work and that we will do it tomorrow. I go to read, resigned to the fact that my day will consist of reading and smoking cigs. then, just as I am finishing my book, wendy from the leasing office calls and says "hey, someone just cancelled. if u can pay me the deposit ASAP, you have the place and can move in whenever." i jump for joy and call TJ right away. of course, being at work, he's busy, so I call dustin and ask him to drive me to Target. HE obliges and we go to target to tell TJ the news. He flips and tells me to go...NOW. so i deposit my money in the bank and go to the leasing office. NOW WE HAVE AN APRTMENT! YAY! WE CAN MOVE IN WHENEVER! SWEEET!!!! so thats really about.
Brandon and I went to play tennis, where i kicked his ass...for the first time. YAY! now i'm going to go home and read for a bit. i hope all is well with everyone, and hey, if u want to come to a party...SEPT 17!!! just email me, call me, text me, comment on my site....ANYTHING! see u all soon. |
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| MAN! I'M AWESOME...well...ok...maybe not awesome...great? good? fair? STOP GIVING ME THAT LOOK! |
[Aug. 26th, 2005|12:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jagged Little Pill- Alanis Morissette | ] |
Once again, i will repeat...in big letters PARTY AT MY NEW APARTMENT SEPTEMBER 17TH FOR MY B-DAY! CALL ME IF YOU WANT TO COME!!!
Now that that's said...
Been a bit busy lately. 40 hours of work a week. money! YAY! TJ and I are closer to getting an apartment. today, we went to do our credit check and something awesome happened. in the corner of the office, there was a bucket filled with water. In the water, there were rubber ducks. TJ and I didn't think much of it at the time. After we filled out the paper work, i made some off hand comment about the ducks. The woman (Wendy is her name) told us that it's part of a "special" that they are running. If you fill out an application, you get to pick a duck. On the ducks rump, there is a number. each number corresponds to a certain prize. She asks us if we would like to pick a duck. TJ says "you do it. Your a jew and should have better luck." so, i go and pick up a random duck. It has the number two on it's rump. I tell that to wendy. she just sits there...looking at me...for five minutes. meanwhile the tension is mounting. did i do something wrong? am i about to be killed? finally she says
"how would you like to get your first month's rent......free?"
WOOT! NO FIRST MONTH'S RENT! YAY!
that made my day.
anything else interesting happen?
nope...work work work.
the only break was that on wednesday, brandon and i went and played tennis...good times. i hope we go and do it tonight. oh well...that's enough for now. remember...party...my place....17 of Sept. come...and bring booze...lol |
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| The search continues |
[Aug. 23rd, 2005|01:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | optimistic | ] |
Keeping with my new habit of short entries, I'm not going to say much here, because I have to go to work. the biggest news is that I'm still looking for a place to live and it's about a 50-50 chance that I'll find one by the 15th of September. Oh! By the way, if you aren't doing anything the 17th of September, I'm having a party in my new place, whereever that may be. If you want to come, email me or call me. ok? I have to go. love you all. Peace |
|
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| Room mate, anyone? |
[Aug. 9th, 2005|02:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | optimistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | What Planet Is This?- Seat Belts | ] |
So, it's finally happened. I won't be living at my dad's anymore. he has given me until september 15th to find a new place. just thought i'd let you all know. if you need a roomate, don't hesitate to ask! LOL |
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| Things have kind of evened out...for now... |
[Jul. 28th, 2005|03:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Aeris Theme- FFVII | ] |
Not much has happened since i last updated. All I have been doing is going to work. That's it. The only change from my normal, daily routine is that Brandon and I went out and played tennis yesterday. It all went well...for the first 15 minuets...then the sky opened and we got drenched. did we stop? no. we played for another half hour in the downpour. It was awesome. well, that's really about it. family life is...going. i have plans in case I get kicked out...so, i'll update more when i actually have something to say. i miss you all and hope you all are well. hit me up on the cell if you want. peace |
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| And I thought "good" was on the horizon... |
[Jul. 13th, 2005|02:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | gloomy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bad Religion | ] |
Well, i'm back from AC. Nothing much happened over the vacation. I had a good time. My parents went to gamble and i spent the nights watching my brothers. I think Sean and I got a lot closer because of all the time we spent together on the trip. YAY!
Let's see....there was a huge fiasco on Saturday...oh man...let me tell you all about it...
I had a driving test on Saturday at 12pm in Joppa. Because I was still AC on Sat, i had to take a 5am bus from AC to Philly then catch a 6am bus to Aberdeen. It started badly from the start. At the station in AC, there are 14 terminals that buses leave from. My bus was schedualed to leave at 5am at terminal 10. SO, five people or so are standing with me, waiting for this bus. As time goes by, we notice that no Grayhound bus appears...and it gets closer to five. Then, at 4:45, a bus pulls into terminal 12 (which is two terminals to my left). this bus is unmarked and no announcment is made as to what bus this is or where it's going. so, all five of us, the five who are trying to go to Philly, don't pay this bus much attention. Then, the bus driver gets off the bus, goes into the station, reappears and shouts "I have room for TWO people". He doesnt say where he is going...or what the deal is. so...no one moves. the driver gets back on the bus and leaves. We all keep waiting for our bus to appear. finally, at 5:15, i have had enough of this waiting bullshit and walk into the station nto find out what the hell is going on. I find the first Grayhound worker and approach him:
"Hey. I am waiting out there, waiting for my bus. It was supposed to come in at 5 on terminal 10. Where is the bus?"
"The bus? It came in at 4:45 at terminal 12. He only had room for two people."
"Oh my god...well, when is the next bus to Philly?"
"Next Grayhound bus to Philly is at 6:45."
Well, I was screwed because my Aberdeen bus was leaving Philly at 6. I thank the guy, and go back out to the terminals. I spot a transit bus goin to Philly so i run bak inside, buy a transit ticket (cuz u cant ride a transit bus with a grayhound ticket) and get on the bus.
Then, after riding for about a half hour, the bus stops at "the transit stop". I figure, yay, im here, so i get off. Wrong. I got off in Camden, right across the river from Philly. I'm getting pissed at this point so i get on the next transit bus to Philly (sound familiar?) and get to Philly just in time to see my Aberdeen bus pull out. GREAT! so i got to customer assistance and ask what i should do. They tell me to get on the first bus to Wilmington, Deleware at 10 (and i have to be in Joppa at 12) so i sit and wait for three hours while i wait. As i wait, i go and ask the customer assistance guy if he is sure that there is a Wilmington to Aberdeen bus. He assures me that the bus runs all day and that i'll have no problem. haahaahaa...
So i get on the bus to WIlmington, praying to god that this will work out alright. wrong.
I get to Wilm and ask the ticket person at the window when the next Aberdeen bus is, because I was told that they run all day. He says:
"The only Aberdeen bus we have left at 8am. I freak out. like FULL BLOWN PANIC. I'm in Deleware, dont know a soul there, have no money, and my cell phone is not working. WHAT THE HELL DO I DO?! i do the only thing i can do: call erin collect.
Ugh...long story short, we talk, her mom calls my parents and i take the bus from wilm to Balt, the from there, a taxi home. let me tell u....i got home at 3pm...i had been up since 10am the previous day...i was tireed, pissed...and not in the best of moods...
then, my parents have a talk with me and im basically on my LAST LAST LAST straw. on more fuck up and im out....great...
other than family? well....heh...women...
always the enigma...I was involved with this girl, Ravenna. she is a friend of Jeremy's g/f. nice girl...intelligent, ambitious, fun, hot, all those things. we went out on a date and it looked promising. Then, the day before i leave for vacation, she calls and says that i am "incredibly hot, really smart and have a great personality. You're just a great, amazing guy...but..." the she proceeds to tell me that im not the type to get into a serious relationship (which is bull because only a few days prior, i had said the opposite, but hell, lets not believe me), that none of us have a car (public transportation?) and a million other bullshit excuses. I hate this shit. i really do. Im gettiong sick of being lead on and then dropped. watever. im done looking. u all kno where i am. find me! grr.
lets see...oh! i miss the cast of Grease like hell! i hope u all are well. thats it. ill ttyl. peace |
|
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| The countdown is on! |
[Jun. 30th, 2005|02:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hyper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bad Religion | ] |
oh man. SATURDAY IS FRIGGIN ATLANTIC CITY!! I CAN'T WAIT! other than that? nothing. oh, Grease ended. i'll miss it and the people in it like hell. I LOVE YOU, CAST OF GREASE! ALL OF YOU!
I gotta go to work. i'll see y'all later. call me on da cell if you know it. i'll miss you all when i'm soaking up sun in AC! BYE |
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